


Disaster Gays and the Fabulous Talent Show (Sing Karaoke and get 3 BFs)

by ughdotcom



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, American Sign Language, Deaf Character, Don't copy to another site, F/F, M/M, Other, Panic Attacks, Polyamory, Sign Language, Talent Shows, The plot goes to like halfway through and then it's just weird, mute character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 21:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21204185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ughdotcom/pseuds/ughdotcom
Summary: “My cousin and his boyfriends are coming to town tomorrow. They’re staying here.”“You mean your incredibly hot cousin Roman and his incredibly hot boyfriends Logan and Patton I’ve had a crush on for forever?”“Yeah those.”“Staying here. Where I am.”“Are you going to comment on everything I say?”“Yes. What the fuck, Remington. You could have told me.”Well well well what is Virgil going to do when his 3 crushes are coming to stay with his bff Remy??? And they're moving to his town???? WTF??????? What is he going to do???????????This had a plot and then it didn't enjoy





	Disaster Gays and the Fabulous Talent Show (Sing Karaoke and get 3 BFs)

_ Can you come over tonight? _ Remy Garcia signed at his best friend Virgil Sanders from across the room, a smirk dancing on his lips.

_ Yes _ Virgil signed back.

_ Sleepover? _

_ Why not? _ Virgil grinned and Remy grinned back.

“Mr Sanders, Mr Garcia, I can see you signing, now if you would pay attention to me, that would be wonderful.” their teacher said. She turned back to the board, and Remy and Virgil grinned at each other.

Neither Remy nor Virgil was deaf or hard of hearing. Virgil’s mom, however was, and she had taught both boys ASL. It was now their primary mode of communication, especially since people seemed to find it useless if you didn’t know anyone who was deaf.

_ Lmao love her _

_ I can see your face, Remy _ Virgil signed back, making him actually snort.

_ Boys _ The teacher signed at them _ Stop it. Class is when you learn. _

From across the room Virgil’s sibling, Nico, laughed. _ She got you, bitches!!!! _ He signed at them.

“Detention, Mx Spencer.” Nico sighed. He was an adopted child, and he had chosen to keep his other last name, if you were wondering why it wasn’t Sanders.

“But Ms!”

“No swearing in my classroom.”

_ Okay that’s fair _ Nico signed at her.

_ We can speak out loud, Nico _

_ God I hate you _ “Okay, fine. Out loud.”

“Talk to me after class. You too, Mr Sanders, and Mr Garcia.”

Remy groaned and flopped his head on the desk. The teacher just smiled and turned back to the board.

* * *

“You were _ not _ taught ASL to pass notes.”

“Sorry Mama.” Nico and Virgil chorused.

“Sorry Ms. Sanders.”

“Remington, call me Alejandra, we’ve discussed this.”

“Sorry Alejandra.”

“Ok, Nico, you don’t actually have detention, but you have to compete in the talent show.”

“What?” Nico looked horrified at the idea, like it was worse than detention.

“The talent show, Nico. I don’t expect you to sing. You can cosplay as Cecil Palmer and quote Night Vale, you just have to be in the talent show.”

“Fine.”

“Great. And Virgil what have we said about making plans without checking with me or Mom?”

“Not to do it. Does this mean I can’t go to Remy’s?”

“No. Just check next time.”

“And Remy?”

“Yes, Alejandra?”

“I know you signed up for the talent show. I know we got rid of the no swearing rule, but it has to be appropriate.”

“What makes you think it won’t be?”

“Last year’s talent show. And the year before that. And so on.”

“I swear I won’t do ‘Dead Girl Walking’, ‘Do You Wanna Hang’ or ‘Say No to This’ again.”

“No sexual songs or dances at all. Also I think Emile is tired of having to play weird characters.”

Remy sighed. “Fine.”

“Good. V, I’ll drop off your things later. Have fun!”

“I will, Mama. Love you.”

She pecked him on the cheek. “Love you too, Virge.”

Remy grabbed his hand and dragged him away to the bus.

“I hate you.”

“Course you do. You walking home, hanging out with a friend, or staying here while I grade papers?”

“Can Eli and Mona come over?”

“Ask your mom.”

“God, fine.” Nico pulled out his phone to text his mom, Zara.

Green Fae: Yo mom can Eli and Mona come over

Mom: ya sure

Green Fae: thx

“Mom says yes.”

“Great.”

“Bye mama.”

“Bye, Neeks.”

* * *

“Karaoke!!!”

“God, Rem.” Virgil buried his face in one of Remy’s pillows.

“Ew you’re going to get makeup on that. You have to sing or I won’t tell you the news.”

“What news?”

“Sing.” Remy said, pushing his karaoke machine mic at him.

Virgil groaned “Fiiiiine.” he grabbed the microphone hostilely, typing ‘Sugar We’re Going Down karaoke’ into YouTube.

“Yes, gurl, sing.”

“Am I more than you bargained for yet.”

“Sing, Virgey I’m the only one here.”

“Restart it then.” Virgil said, staring him down, and Remy did so, staring at him right back.

“Go.”

“_ Am I more than you bargained for yet? I’ve been dying to tell you anything you want to hear, cause that’s just who I am this week. Lie in the grass next to mausoleum. I’m just a notch in your bedpost, but you’re just a line in a song. _”

Remy grinned as Virgil sang. His best friend was such an emo, but Remy didn’t mind.

After Virgil finished he tossed the mic at Remy. “I hate you.” he stated, flopping down next to Remy.

“Save that till after you hear the news.”

“What is it?”

“Let me sing first.”

“You’re the worst.”

“Of course, darling.”

Virgil flipped Remy off as the song was entered into YouTube and the beginning of Havana started playing.

“Omi_ god _ Remy you’re so basic.”

Remy winked at Virgil as he started singing. After the chorus Remy started singing in spanish.

“You’re still basic.”

“Never denied it, hun.”

“I hate you.”

“Yes, of _ course _ you do.”

After the song finished Remy flopped down next to Virgil with an exaggerated sigh. “And now the news.” Virgil glared at him. “My cousin and his boyfriends are coming to town tomorrow. They’re staying here.”

“You mean your incredibly hot cousin Roman and his incredibly hot boyfriends Logan and Patton I’ve had a crush on for _ forever _?”

“Yeah those.”

“Staying _ here _. Where I am.”

“Are you going to comment on everything I say?”

“Yes. What the fuck, Remington. You could have told me.”

“I didn’t. But I told your mama.”

“Remy!” Virgil chucked a pillow at him. “She’s either going to give me something ‘sexy’ or something super embarrassing.” he made air quotes around ‘sexy’.

“Chill, gurl, if you don’t like it you can wear what you wore today.”

“That’s _ worse _, somehow.”

“Be. More. Chill.”

“I fucking hate you.” Virgil said, and Remy neatly dodged another pillow.

“Come on, dude.”

“Fine I don’t hate you, but you’re annoying.”

“Aw, c’mere.” Remy hugged him. “It’ll be ok.”

“It had better.”

* * *

It stands to figure Virgil would forget about Roman until it was too late. He had never seen the problem before with using Remy’s house as if it were his own. They were practically siblings. Until…

“Nice pyjamas, para-morose.”

Virgil glanced down at his Nightmare before Christmas pyjamas before looking up at Roman Garcia. “Thanks, Princey.” He said sarcastically.

“No, I mean it. Never would have pegged you for liking Disney.”

“Yeah, well. You’re fucking dense, dude.”

Roman made an offended noise. “Excuse you?”

“You’re dense.” he smirked at Roman.

“My boyfriends would never treat me like this!” He placed his hand on his chest dramatically, and Virgil felt the tiniest bit hurt.

“Falsehood. Hello Virgil.”

“Hey Logan.”

“You mean you _ would _ treat me like this?!”

“You are quite dense, Roman. I flirted with you for a _ year _ before you noticed.”

“You don’t flirt like a normal human!”

Virgil grabbed his coffee and attempted to make a hasty retreat, but Logan stopped him.

“You have anxiety, correct?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Then caffeine cannot be good for you.”

“It isn’t.” Virgil said, taking a large sip. “But it’s fucking good.”

Logan looked at him with confusion. “What?”

“Coffee, elixir of the gods.”

“I don’t understand. You _ enjoy _ having heightened anxiety?”

“No, but I love coffee.”

Logan groaned and buried his face in Roman’s shoulder. “Roman, explain.”

“He hates anxiety, but he loves the way the coffee tastes.”

“Ah.” he removed his head from Roman’s shoulder, “Are you aware that decaf exists?”

“Yeah, but Remy doesn’t have any.”

“That seems… _ criminally _ incompetent.”

“Yep, that’s Remy.”

“Gurl, you had better not be shittalking me to my cousin!” Remy called from another room.

“Even worse, it’s Logan!”

“God, hate you!”

“Love you too!”

“Are you and Remy dating?” Roman asked.

Virgil snorted. “No. He’s dating Emile Picani.”

“Wait. Hold up. Remy has a _ boyfriend _?”

“Yes…? Didn’t he tell you? Also joyfriend, not _ boy _friend.”

“No!” Roman turned away from Virgil to look for his cousin. “Remy!”

Virgil scoffed as he turned and left the room. Roman was so _ dramatic _, honestly, how had he fallen for the boy.

* * *

Virgil had always had a habit of staying at Remy’s house longer than he was supposed to, and apparently that didn’t change with his crushes there.

They were all curled on a couch, and Virgil was drifting off into dreamland when he heard Remy speak.

“Y’all should really confess, you know.”

He didn’t move, but Virgil stopped trying to sleep in favor of listening in.

“No way.”

“Why? Gurls, I swear on Starbucks coffee and my sunglasses, he’s pining too.”

Remy (that was who Virgil was lying on, right?) ran his fingers through Virgil’s hair, and Patton spoke. “Maybe we should.”

“Even if Virgil likes one of us, the odds he likes _ all _ of us is very slim.”

Virgil tried not to freeze.

“Gurl, trust me. V’s crushing on y’all so hard.”

“I wish.” Patton said, and fingers traced small hearts onto Virgil’s head. He realized that maybe he just might be lying on Patton’s lap.

“God.” Virgil heard Remy’s head thump onto the back of the couch in annoyance. “I swear he likes y’all.” he was quiet for a moment, before speaking in a sneaky tone. “Don’t you, V.”

Virgil froze. Patton’s fingers stopped.

“Virgil?” Patton asked. “Are you awake?”

He didn’t move.

“Dude. They aren’t going to _ reject _ you. Were you paying attention while listening in?” at Virgil’s continued stillness Remy sighed. “Ok, y’all leave the room. I’m going to talk to him.”

Virgil’s head was gently moved off Patton’s lap as Patton got up. Virgil didn’t open his eyes.

“Gurl. Babe. they were _ just _ talking about how they liked you. Your anxiety can’t _ possibly _ twist this.”

He nodded.

“Then what are you scared of?”

Virgil gave a small shrug.

“Ok, hold up a second, gurl.”

Virgil opened his eyes to see Remy dialing someone on the phone.

“This had better be fucking inportant, I hate talking on the phone Rem.” Nico’s voice drifted from the phone’s speaker.

“Yo, gurl-”

“Not a girl.”

“Anyway, dude, you’re bro’s gone nonverbal.”

“Fucking video call me then, dumbass.”

“Can’t, he won’t open his eyes.”

“God.” Nico sighed. “What’s up then.”

“He found out that his crushes liked him.”

“Ah. _ Colvyr get the fuck out of my room I’m talking to Virge and Rem! _ So. I dunno what’s up. V, do you think you can sign to Remy what’s going on?”

Virgil shook his head, and Remy relayed that to him.

“Jesus V. I’m going to get Mama and Mom. BRB.”

“Next time you use text acronyms in speech I’m going to stab you.” Remy said to him.

“Yes, release me from this cruel prison.” Nico said. “Hold up, putting this on video chat before I get my parents.”

Suddenly he appeared on Remy’s screen, dressed in oversized band merch for pyjamas. “Can you see me?”

Remy nodded.

“Epic. BRB.”

“I have a knife, Neeks.”

When Nico reentered the frame she had Zara with her. “So I could only get Mom, cause Mama was cooking, so sign language.” she said, signing the words as she spoke. “Also she/her now.”

Remy nodded, and quickly signed the problem, also speaking aloud so Virgil could hear.

Nico nodded with a sigh. “Hey, V? Can you look up to see what Mom is saying.”

With a sigh Virgil looked up a bit, and Zara started signing to him.

_ What’s wrong? _

He lifted his hands a bit.

_ My crushes like me. _

She frowned. _ Isn’t that a good thing? _

Virgil shook his head, then shrugged. _ I don’t know what I’m worried about. _

Zara’s face softened. _ Aw, honey. Think about everything that won’t go wrong. You either gain 3 boyfriends, or you get closure. And they already like you. _

Virgil gave a faint smile. “Ok” he said, and Zara smiled.

_ Love you, Virgil. _

_ Love you too, mom _.

Nico clicked the hang up button and the screen went black.

“Gurl? You ready to face them?”

Virgil sighed and shook his head before getting up. “Definitely not. But… I'll never be more.”

Remy grinned and patted Virgil’s shoulder. “Good on you, V.”  


* * *

Virgil stepped in front of Roman, Patton, and Logan. “Ok, yeah, I like you too, _ please _ don’t be fucking with me.”

“We’re not fucking with you, Virgil.” Patton said gently. “We wouldn’t do that. Do you want to…” his fingers nervously traced the hem of his shirt “... maybe… date us?”

“Uh, sure.” Virgil stammered. “If you want.”

“We just asked you, Virgil, dear.” Roman said, causing him turn bright red.

“Uh, great.”

Logan gave Virgil a soft smile, a nonverbal ‘it’s ok’.

“Can I have a hug?”

“Of course!” Roman and Patton said, loudly, making Virgil flinch, but he curled warmly into their arms.

Then Logan joined the hug, and Virgil felt so _ safe _ and _ protected _ , like he felt in hugs with his Mom and Mama, but _ better _.

“You guys are awesome.” He muttered, and they squeezed him closer.

  


“No.” Virgil protested. “No-fucking-way.”

“Please?” Roman said.

“I don’t give a shit if y’all are moving here forever, and you want to do the talent show as an introduction to yourself, I am not dancing like a slut onstage. Ask Patton.”

“Patton is innocent AF, I’m not going to taint that image. Please?”

“Fine. Fine. But I get a decent outfit.”

“Of course.” Roman said, with a small wink.

“I swear to God, Princey, if you make me wear anything more revealing than shorts and a t-shirt I will _ personally _ smite you.”

“Ok! Ok!”

* * *

“Yo, Emile.” Virgil said, running up to Remy’s joyfriend in the hall. “We need to talk.”

“I’ve been dating Remy since 8th grade, please don’t tell me you’re going to give me a shovel talk.”

“I gave you a shovel talk in 8th grade! Don’t you remember? Also, no. Something better.”

Emile raised an eyebrow skeptically.

“Roman and Remy want us to dance with them to ‘Toxic’ for the talent show.”

“Yeah…”

“I was thinking, what if we played the fool during _ their _ lessons, but learned how to dance well on our own.”

“You just want to see them fuck up on stage, don’t you?”

“Yes, but please? It’ll be fun!”

Emile sighed but nodded their head. “Sure. Remy sure as hell deserves it.”

* * *

“How are you this bad!” Remy exclaimed as his best friend and boyfriend attempted to dance. This should be easy, but they were fucking it up spectacularly.

“I warned you!” Virgil said. “Also assuming Emile can dance any way that _ isn’t _ from a cartoon was stupid.”

“I hate how right you are.” Remy groaned. “Ok, then let Roman and I practice our solo parts then you can try to come in? I guess? Y’all are so bad at this. We’ve been practicing for 2 weeks.”

Virgil shot a wink at Emile as he pouted at Roman. “Babe, your cousin is verbally abusing me!”

Roman laughed and scooped Virgil up in his arms. “Don’t worry my dear prince, I’ll save you!”

Virgil giggled, honest to god giggled, when Roman spun him around.

Remy groaned. “Y’all can do your weird flirting ritual when we _ aren’t _ practicing.”

Roman pressed a kiss to Virgil’s forehead. “Some motivation.”

“You criminal!” Virgil said jokingly. “Working with Remy!”

They all collapsed in giggles.

* * *

“You want me to do what?” Nico frowned at Logan, a they/them pin pinned on their shirt.

“I need you to help me with the talent show. I can rap?”

“Dude.”

“Please. I want to surprise Roman with one of his favorite comedians.”

“Dude. That’s so gay of you.”

“Well, I’m gay.”

“Same. Fine, I’ll rap the best I can on stage.”

“Thank you.”

“I hate you.”

“Can I still date your brother?”

“Duh.”

* * *

“Talent show!” Nico whispered to Virgil sarcastically, her voice taking a sing-song tone as she did jazz hands. “I can’t believe your nerd boyfriend roped me into this.”

“Neither can I. I legit thought you would cosplay Cecil and wax poetic about weirdness and Carlos the scientist onstage.”

“So did I.” she cleared her throat. “A friendly desert community where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and mysterious lights pass overhead while we all pretend to sleep. Welcome to Night Vale.”

“You’re getting good, _ Lobo _.”

“I see Mama has decided to teach you nicknames, _ Conejito _.”

“Yep. Also I used google. I wanted to figure out what Mama was calling Mom.”

“Mood. Ok, you’re on. Good luck, _ Zorra _.”

“Did you… you just called me a slut. A name for females. Exclusively.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m going to murder you.”

“Fun.”

  


Onstage Roman winked at Remy as they got into position. The curtain rose and…

“_ Baby, can’t you see I’m calling. A guy like you should wear a warning. It’s dangerous, I’m falling _.”

If they had been good during rehearsals it was nothing compared to this. Their outfits followed the dress code only barely, shining red sequins on everything, including Remy’s signature sunglasses.

“_ Do you feel me now _?” they sang, and Virgil and Emile came out.

Emile wore a floaty pink dress that swirled around them, shimmering.

And Virgil? Virgil was, for lack of a better word, stunning. He wore a black tank top, black leggings, and a fluttery semi-transparent purple skirt.

And they were both dancing like sluts.

The Garcia cousins were about just messing up, and probably would be if it wasn’t the extreme need to have a large ego.

From behind the stage Nico was cackling.

Virgil dropped into the splits. Roman near fell over.

As their performance finished Roman and remy rushed off stage quickly, while Emile and Virgil bowed.

“What the hell, Virgil?” Roman said, and Remy echoed those words to Emile.

“We wanted to make you mess up.” Virgil said. “Now quiet, it’s Logan and Nico’s part.”

On the stage Logan stood straight in front of one mic, dressed in his normal attire. Nico stood in front of the other, wearing her black button up and a purple bow tie.

“_ I’m a f*gg*t, I’m a r*t*rd _ .” Logan started, visibly flinching at the words he was saying. “ _ I got a girls bag and a V card. I got three friends and a wack ass ride, you can judge by the cover, cause it’s shitty on the inside _.”

“_ No girls wanna fuck me, trust me, I don’t give a shit, don’t adjust me, just please shut you face hole for just one second. ‘Fuck you, f*gg*t, you’re so fucking dumb’ _.”

“_ Dumb? I’m the dumb one? Calm down, Lo just count to ten um ... _”

“_ One two three whore, I mean four shit. Three four five bitch, I mean six shit. I quit, I got no patience, you won, I'll face it. Your life peaks at graduation, well, congratu-fucking-lations. _”

They continued rapping, Nico doing a terrible job, till the song was done. “I fucking hated that.” she said into the mic.

“Same.”

They bowed and walked off stage.

“Wow, babe, who knew you could rap.”

“I’ve beat you in rap battles, Roman, don’t be preposterous.”

“Good job, Neeks.”

“Liar.”

“Correct.”

**Author's Note:**

> I should clarify that if I tried to give this a sane ending I wouldn't till 2081.
> 
> Apparently I can only finish this fic while procrastinating. Someone help I don't understand my history extra credit the paragraphs are phrased weird and too long. What is the The First Rhode Island Regiment in the revolutionary war and what is its significance????????
> 
> Can I get a tutor in history it's too hard


End file.
